Feast of the Holy Family - homily

I read a story in last week’s sports section about two Washington Redskins getting into a fight after practice. They got into an argument during practice, things escalated, and then fought each other in the weight room later. One of the players said afterwards that he couldn’t remember what started the whole thing on the practice field. This reminded me of a point I make to couples preparing for marriage. It is a teaching point for all of us. The point isn’t just that the Redskins are in total disarray; that’s obvious in so many other ways. The teaching point is to stay away from emotional language when in arguments, especially among married persons. My guess is that these players got into an argument over something insignificant and then said things that that escalated into a fight. The advice I give engaged couples is to stay away from using words like “always” and “never” – “you always do this”…”you never do that” – when in an argument. These are the things that the other remembers – ‘does he really think that?’ You don’t really mean it but get caught up in the emotion of the moment. And, that’s the stuff that really hurts the other. It’s hard to take emotionally charged statements back. So, be cool and rational when getting into disagreements with spouses, family members, and friends.


I doubt that Mary and Joseph ever used emotionally charged language when they got into any kind of disagreements. The reason is because of the profound respect they had for each other. Their respect for the other was passed on to Jesus and it helped to form, shape, and mold him to be the man he would become. Respect in the home is huge! Parents often come to me about a problem with their teenager and how they can’t get their teen to obey them. I tell them that they need to present their position in respect of their teen. If they don’t respect them, they might lose them for good. Kids respond well to respect.

The respect of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph is rooted in virtue. It was a home of virtue in which Jesus was raised. The Holy Family lived out the virtues, especially the ones St. Paul writes about in today’s second reading (Col 3) – “heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience”. We might look at the virtue of the Holy Family and see they are way up there while our families are way down here. It might seem unrealistic to think that our families could ever reach their level of virtue. It might be good to take one virtue on which to improve so that we begin to make some progress in imitating Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. One virtue to suggest is humility.

Humility is necessary for all of us Christians to live. It is especially vital in families. Humility is necessary for love. Love means gift of self…to give yourself to others. It takes humility to do this. If we look at the greatest sign of love in the world – Jesus Christ on the Cross – we see the incredible humility he had. He humbled himself in being born as we are celebrating at Christmas and in giving himself fully to us on the Cross. It takes humility to love and to be loved. It takes humility to let others serve us. This is the underpinning for St. Paul’s whole point of being “subordinate”. “Wives, be subordinate to your husbands” means ‘wives, let your husbands serve you!’ Husband, serve your wives! “Children, obey your parents”; let your parents serve you. If people are trying to serve us, then they have our best interests in mind. They want what’s best for us. This is a point I make to kids (even some GW students) when they are upset that their parents are being so strict. They complain about it and then I ask them, “do your parents love you?” They say yes, and I stress that their parents are acting out of love. They might be being a little overbearing, but they truly want what’s best for you.

The point about humility might best be made in talking about our relationship with God. God loves us and wants to serve us. He has told us what’s best for us through His teachings, commandments, etc. If we receive these in humility, then we let God serve us. But, too often pride gets in the way and people say, ‘God, I know that you say this, but I’m doing that….I know you say I need to go to Mass on Sunday, but I’m doing something else’. Or worse, they say, ‘God, I know better than you’. ..’Mom and Dad, I know better than you’…’Honey, I know better than you’. Pride is very dangerous. Humility is necessary in order for those in the family to serve each other. Humility is necessary for love and forgiveness to exist in families.

Finally, brothers and sisters, there is one guarantee about how to keep our families together. If families come here to Mass every Sunday, they will stay together. If they come here to pray together, hear the Word of God together, receive the Eucharist together, then they will stay together. Parents ask me how to get their kids to Mass. I tell them to talk to their kids about the Eucharist. Tell them that Jesus says they need the Eucharist to have life and to get the Heaven. Each of us needs the Eucharist to have life. Immediate families need the Eucharist…our parish family needs the Eucharist….our Church family needs the Eucharist to stay together. “The family that prays together stays together”.