Wednesday, February 03, 2010

"Dating and relationships"

Ash Wednesday Masses at GW
Wed., Feb 17, 2010
12 noon, 5 pm, 7:30 pm
Marvin Center, Continental Ballroom, 3rd Floor
Last night we had another good discussion after Tuesday dinner. It was on dating and relationships. Here are the notes from my talk that started the discussion:

Dating and Relationships

I. “Don’t date anyone you wouldn’t marry”

II. Two models for dating

-From FG’s homily / 4th Sunday, 2nd reading (1 Cor 12)

1. World’s model: rush thru friendship into romance/sex
“Dating habits of teens are perfect preparation for divorce, not marriage”
-“Christian Courtship”, p.128, about Connie Marshner

If rushed, not love (lust??)

-FG in hs, pressured by friends to have sex with g-friend after 3 mos.

2.Christian model: love is patient / love waits
-Patient in every stage of dating (friendship/courtship)

If patient, love (agape…a share in it…preparing for it)

III. Stories
World’s model – AM
Christian model – KW

IV. Friendship dating
-friends 1st
- 1-2 months, at least
- if desire, friendship date more than one person at a time
- patient, communicate “friends only” / set boundaries (prudence)
- low-key, no pressure (pressure w/world’s model - locked in, engaged)
- testing period without emotional attachment
-see what the other is like and how you two get along
-free to remain as friends only if not going as you thought
-helps to avoid big-time hurt feelings
-STORY of the girl who could have used this model in college

For girls especially:
- able to screen out jerks /guys who are not for you
- if guy isn’t up for being friends first and waiting / sacrificing for you, then he’s not for you

- chaste hugs, no kissing or holding hands
- get to know souls, not bodies (what makes a relationship/marriage last)
- foundation for courtship
- contact: talk 2x/wk, see 1x/wk STORY of MH + JP
- Prayer: pray for other and for God’s Will to be done

V. Exclusive dating / courtship
-Communicate / decide to exclusively date the other (call off other friend-dating)
-Be patient…..“ short courtships often make for short marriages” – Morrow
-Hold hands, gentle kissing, chaste hugs

YG: video – incl. couple that wouldn’t kiss until marriage
-a bit extreme but got conversation started with teens
-at least one teen made a chastity pact that night at YG
-Contact: talk 2-3x/wk, see 2-3x/wk
-Pray for other and for God’s Will to be done

-Chastity: NOT JUST ABSTINENCE; sexual purity
-sexual habits you build when young stay with you when old
- “ in courtship stay with you in marriage
- if unchaste habits, then marriage in trouble
-God’s Grace and person’s will can change habits, but takes a lot of Grace and a lot of work
-if chaste habits now, then marriage will be much more fruitful

How to live chastity? (for another discussion)

Benefits of chastity and modesty
-Freedom- free to love the whole person: body and soul
- unchastity brings slavery; chastity brings freedom
-Mutual respect
-Mutual, sacrificial love (agape)
-Attraction–seeing the beauty of the other’s soul makes them more attractive
-Modesty – makes women more attractive; helps guys out

VI. What if you’re not dating?
-pray for future spouse
-prepare for future spouse: prayer + chastity, esp.
-trust that God will provide future spouse + be ready when He does
-wife / husband (marriage); Church (religious); Church (single)
Story of DP + TP


Julie Robison said...

Fr. Greg, that was really great! If there is one thing not discussed enough today, it is helping high school and college students date in a chaste manner. Too many rush into sex because it seems like the obvious next step, seeking the body before the soul, so to speak. Thank you for sharing!

Liesl said...

I wish I could have been there for this discussion! Hopefully you will have further discussions on living chastely or forming good relationships in the future.

One of the last note points remind me of something I read when I need a good reminder to trust in God:

Believe and Be Satisfied

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone -- to have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But God, to a Christian says, "No, not until you are satisfied and fulfulfilled and content with living loved by Me alone. I love you, my child, and until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with Me -- exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or longings. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing -- one that you can't imagine. I want you to have the best. Please allow Me to bring it to you. Just keep experiencing that satisfaction knowing that I am. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you... You must wait.

Don't be anxious. Don't worry. Don't look around at the things others have gotten or that I've given to them. Don't look at the things you think you want. You just keep looking off and away up to Me, or you'll miss what I want to show you.

And then, when you're ready, I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any would ever dream. You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready, I am working even this very minute to have both of you ready at the same time. Until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and with the life I have prepared for you, you won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me...and this is perfect love.

And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love, I want you to see in flesh a picture of your relationship with Me, and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty and perfection and love that I offer you with Myself. Know that I love you utterly, I am God. Believe and be satisfied."