Tuesday, December 22, 2009

"Church Bulletin Bloopers"

Thanks to Anon for posting the following which I think we've seen here before. After last night's debacle, we Redskins fans could use a good laugh.


An oldie but goodie: Church Bulletin Bloopers.
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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.”

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Debacle" is an understatement. I gave up watching the game before the end of the second quarter.

Anonymous said...

Here's my substitute teacher blunder at a Catholic school -

An eighth grader's name is Diego.
He's clowning around in class.
I say, "Diablo, you need to stop."
He has an inquisitive look and says, "What did you call me?"
I respond, "Diablo," wondering why he's asking me to repeat his name.
Everyone at his table cracks up - (I'm wondering why.)
Diego, trying not to laugh, puts his sad face on, hangs his head down and tries to sound devastated while he says, "I'm scarred forever Mrs. ____. You called me Diablo."
Only then did I realize why they were all cracking up.
The brain works in mysterious ways.

Anonymous said...

I was laughing at the major "debacle" play, as highlighted for anyone who logged onto Yahoo! today. My 11 year old son learned that played, named "bucket" this year. Their team never found an appropriate circumstance in which to run it, however. Perhaps, I should be thankful for that.

Anonymous said...

to the anon of 8:28-

Yeah- my son ran the bucket play this year too. It worked okay...when a bunch of 11 year old's ran it. I thought it was pretty cool, until Monday night, and then I thought, "Oh no they're not!"